HONG JIN, My Cancer Fighting Journey

The first time I heard Ps Lao’s teaching was some time last July.  In the middle of his sermon, he said, “This morning on our way to church, I said to Ps Da that for over 20 years, we have never done a funeral service in our church.” He then went on to say that we didn’t have any cancers in our members…A butterfly fluttered inside my stomach when I heard that.  After the service, I went up to Ps Lao and said, “Ps. Lao, I am sorry that I am messing up your statistic because I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.”  Ps. Lao looked at me in the eyes and said, “You are going to fall into my statistic.  In Jesus mighty name, you shall be healed!”  I then said, “Ps. Lao I like your statistic better.”   I felt the butterfly gradually flew away from my stomach.

My first appointment to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) was on July 14.  While looking at the mammogram and ultrasound images, the radiologist flatly told me, “highly suspicious”.  A wave of unspeakable heat blasted through my body then I felt the physical draining of my blood away from my body.  I was chilled to my core.  I was shivering beyond control.  The nurse kindly wrapped two warm blankets around me.  Cancer is bad news.  The worst part of facing bad news is the uncertainty and loneliness that often results in fear.  I experienced the full spectrum of God given emotions for the following 48 hours – I cried; I screamed; I whined; and I complained.  Three of my very close Christian sisters came over and started our weekly prayer evenings.  On July 17, one of them emailed me the first four verses of Psalm 91.  Out of desperation, I opened Psalm 91.  I literary forgot to breathe while I was reading all 16 verses in the passage.  I quickly called my friend who sent me the passage and screamed over the phone, “Carol, the entire passage is for me.  I am claiming it! My God, I can’t believe He is actually speaking to me!”  In short, Psalm 91 tells us that our Mighty Father will protect those who love and have faith in Him.  Since that day on, I read so many times of Psalm 91. Though I can’t memorize it, I hold it so dearly to my heart.  Here is my version of Psalm 91:  “Since God is dwelling in my heart, therefore He is my refuge, my fortress and my rampart.  God will not let me be fear of any nasty stuff; evil stuff may come near me, but won’t touch me. God will send angels to lift me up; therefore, I won’t strike my foot against any harmful things.  Because I love God, He will rescue me.  Because I call upon His name, He will answer me; be with me when I am in trouble; deliver me and honor me with long life and show me salvation.”

This passage alone took care of my uncertainty and loneliness.  From that day on, my outlook has changed.  I called and emailed many friends about my diagnosis.  Most of them started with “Oh, my God…”  Then they became speechless.  Some could not repeat the very word of “cancer”.  Some cried right there on the other end of our phone line.  One actually needs to use bathroom right at the middle of our conversation.  No one seems to be able to make sense out of my diagnosis, because everyone knows that my life style is just about medical textbook perfect.  I ended up have to console them.  I later asked my husband, “Who is having cancer here?!”  On the other hand, I felt great peace upon me.  The type of peace only the Creator can grant to His creation, just like the peace an infant experiences as soon as she is in her mother’s chest. I am hanging on every word from Psalm 91.  I waited for over a month for my surgery, I was not anxious at all during my waiting; even the night before the surgery I slept so well that I didn’t wake up till my alarm clock ran off the next morning.  I asked my husband, “Am I normal to be this calm?”  He gave me a hug and said, “God is with you, that’s why.”

Six months ago, everything about my illness was a blur.  We don’t know the stage and the treatment plan.  Six months later, amazingly I am able to line up my unfolding events with each verse in Psalm 91.

In verses 3 to 10, God talks about terror, flying arrows, deadly pestilence and plaque will come my way and yet none of these can harm me because He is protecting me.  I had done three biopsies.  The results were ductal carcinoma in situ with an invasive component in one area.  This one area turned out to be so small that it was 0.4cm.  Therefore, the surgery that was the first step of treatment also became the only step of treatment, no chemo, and no radiotherapy.  SCCA is a world-class facility.  I am very fortunate to be treated by very good doctors.  But it is a very expensive facility too, especially for someone who has no medical insurance.  Diagnosis alone caused us over 30K dollars.  While my husband and I were thinking about whether we needed to sell our SH house, I accidentally ran into an insurance agent and learned that I was qualified to purchase a new Washington state insurance—Pre-existing Condition Insurance Plan with no waiting period required.  It is true that something very dreadful has happened to me and my family.  But God makes sure that we have had the means to get through it.  To me, these were truly nasty stuff came my way, but they missed it because God tugs me under His mighty wings and I am lifted and protected!  Amen.

In verses 11 and 12, God says that He will send His angels to guard me and the angels will lift me up so that I won’t strike my foot against a stone.  My younger son is 15 and attending school in SH.  I won’t be able to settle myself in Seattle for a long period of time if no one can look after him in SH.  One of my very best friends in Shanghai and her husband offered to be Deric’s guardians while my husband and I have stayed in Seattle for my treatment.  Deric moved in to stay with this family after the summer until now. At the beginning of the summer, I rented a basement apartment.  The staircase was very steep.  My husband and I had this fear that I might fall down the stairs after my surgery.  Well, at the end of last July, one of my very good friends whom I know for almost 30 years returned back from her trip and heard my situation.  She called me immediately and invited our entire family to stay with her.  As for herself, she and her husband have been going through some tough personal issues.  We moved in her beautiful home before my surgery and I am still staying there now.  My friend and I have spent a lot of time venting out our thoughts, fears and feelings.  We often collapse in each other’s arm.  But we always are able to draw strength from each other’s support.  After my surgery in Sept, Ps Da and Mary Jo showed up at my door one day to invite me to join the lady care group.  I feel that I have leaped a giant step towards God since attending New Hope International Church and this group. Yes, there is only one word to describe all these people – angels, angels of the Lord.  I love you all.

These are the few jaw-dropping events lined up perfectly with God’s words.  How can one plan for an invasive tumor to be spotted out when it is so tiny?  How can any insurance company be willing to take a customer with a serious condition?  This insurance plan was new and available for less than a year when I have purchased.  How can any one unrelated to you willing to take up the responsibility of being a guardian for a teenager for an unspecified length of time?  My friend who has opened her home to me and my family had never hosted anyone more than a week for the last 30 years in her home and yet I have lived there for six months now.  After listening to all these, one of my friends put everything in perspective, “If this is not by God’s grace, what it is?”  Amen.  Apart from these, there are many small wonders too.  I won’t be able to go through them in detail now.

I have heard a wise saying, “If you can get through the adversity, it will become your treasure.”  I thank God everyday for being so faithful to me and never leave me while allowing me to experience a fuller spectrum of life.  Through this experience, I have drawn a lot closer to God and a lot closer to His people.  I have started to feel that He is not just the all Mighty we need to look heavenward to find.  He is so real like one of my closest friends.  Every night before I go to bed, I long for a moment alone with Him, with His words.  Every Thursday, I long for our care group gathering.  Every Sunday, I long for Ps Lao’s teaching and our fellowship.  Although I am a believer for over 20 years, these longings are new to me.  Thank you, God for reaching out and never giving up on me.

Six months ago, I was forced to open a dreadful chapter of my life—declaring war with breast cancer.  For the past six months, I have been longing to end this chapter with a pleasant note.  That day has finally come.  I went to my oncologist to have a check up last week—my check up result was: “So far so good”.  Although I won’t be able to say that I am cancer free; that precious sentence is reserved for survivors after five years.  For now, “So far so good” is as good as it gets!  Praise the Lord.  I often hear cancer survivors say, “I don’t know how to live before I had cancer.  Cancer is the best thing that happened to me.”  I am not sure I am ready to say that yet.  But don’t be surprised that if you hear me say the same thing in the near future.  Because our God is the expert in turning sufferings into blessings!  Amen.